14.6.03
wonder why im in such a dreamy mood nowadays. tried printing card for dad just now but the stupid printer's outta ink. bummer. for once im showing the filial side of me and this has to happen. it fell through, fine.
i miss my friends so much. time just drags itself by when it's the hols. am thankful that im seeing them tomorrow though. the sticky bunch. miss my beloved 'stead' so much. :) she's not coming online. she's not reading my diary. ive got so much to say to her. sian. but i miss someone else even more. so much so that whenever my mind's in idle mode, it drifts off to her face. everytime i think of something, she sneaks into the picture like some ghostly facade. the mind subconsciously co-relates i guess.
saw ben and his girlfriend last night. whoa. couldnt help staring, haha. but at the same time had to be wary of dad's darting eyes. think the girl's super lucky to be dating ben. heh. the two had the entire house to themselves cos from what i know, the family's gone on holiday!
cousin's leaving today. will miss her. she'll miss her boyfriend a thousand times more than i will miss her. :) parting is such sweet sorrow! *'stead'...dont start thinking abt the things we said about parting again k? heh. ;)
im overloaded with layers of emotions. it weighs a ton. for example, happy+sad. together it's contradictory and i struggle to shake one emotion off but they refuse to separate. gelled together. bolted too firmly. im simply bumping my way around in life, like gas particles that collide and divert randomly, then the process repeats. it never ceases. the only possible escape is to decelerate, to get myself back together and to lessen the number of collisions. life is puzzling. and fate is doubly unfathomable. i prayed last night for fate to unveil itself, to demonstrate its will in the form of several actions this morning. i asked, if fate is meant to accede, let someone wake me up in the morning. and if fate is meant to be callous, i shall awake by myself. lo and behold, i woke by myself. then i shut my eyes again because i was still drowsy. the next second, my sister came in and woke me up. one second. is fate naturally perplexing or is it taking an opportunity to make a fool out of me. i have two interpretations of what happened. one, it is determined that fate bypassed everything, our stars never once crossed, and it's by an insignificant portion that we missed. two, it is determined that the beginning is meant a sour tapestry of trials and tribulations but as time washes the grains of melancholy off the shores of our lives, a glittering pearl will emerge. to be truthful, i shut my eyes not only because i was tired, but more importantly, i was in self-denial. i hesitated. i told myself, no, it cant be true. disbelief and skepticism. Man was born supersitious. all is malicious and spiteful. pernicious rage. i resent myself for writing an account yesterday which would prove to shatter friendships and relationships alike. the waves of emotions were so overwhelming that i was left without a choice but to dispose the entry into a new personal diary, the vicious outlet for impetuous and selfish thoughts. am thankful that i didnt publish it. things are bound to go berserk if i had committed the mistake of doing so. thank You for guiding me all this while. adolescents have the knack of doing things in a haphazard manner. they ought to receive admonishment. to all my appalling ways, goodbye.
the above is my translation and adaptation of something i heard on radio the other night...
den* stepped on your garbage at
13.6.03
back from chinese. tired. even though we didnt do much.
dad: "your sis bought salmon right?"
den: "yup"
dad: "how come she suddenly buy salmon?"
den: "dunno"
dad: "she cooking sth?"
den: "dunno"
its for father's day. k la. think he didnt suspect anything cos he's used to my dunno-anything-attitude. heh. but this time i know! :)
he's leaving nx saturday. damnit. going to be stuck with mum for like 7 weeks? hehe. she started railing at us for spending lots of money ystday. whoa. damn pissed, tried singing a song in my head to block out her ranting. we spend a lot of money?! wth. she shd go compare with others man. true la, money is hard to earn....but....forget it. sis was complaining like shit. dreading the 7 weeks to come. hahaha...dad's advice: stay out of her way and do your own things...that's what i usually do anyway. heh. sounds like some tiger in the forest....hahaha..k, this is mean. i still love mum. :)
the whole family's out. wth. just when i was so excited to tell my sis sth she had to be out of the house. haix..disappointing. am not in a fantastic mood either.
watched a mv today. the lyrics are so....er....like what i went through. hehe. downloaded the song last time but never paid attention to the lyrics. too bad it's in chinese or i'd have posted them here.
world's divided. say goodnight. backs turned.
den* stepped on your garbage at
OHMYGOD!!!!! my maid suddenly came and handed me the neoprints with hx in it!!!! wth! i've been looking for it high and low for sucha damnit long time! so SHE TOOK IT. wth. k..had to conceal my shock and excitement when i saw the neoprints. hahaha..hmmz..she saw my new neoprints then suddenly came and gave me the two rows of prints. migosh. kkk....so thank goodness dad didnt see it afterall. wth! now then give me back. URGH. made me freak out for nothing....so i assume dad doesnt noe a thing? okie..great! heh. i lied that he wasnt a guy...how stupid. she asked "is this a boy?" ..then..."no"...."then why the hair like this?" hahahaha...okay lor, i said tomboy....fine la. heck. just had to cover up everything...heh. its back! :D now ive got to find a safer place to keep it.
off to ntuc, cya~
den* stepped on your garbage at
was soaked to the skin...and felt like a immoral slut with my blouse transparent. thank gdness its the hols and was spared the tchs guys coming up the bus. *shudders*
wanted to blog when i was in the cybercafe this morning, but the ppl seated nx to me were constantly looking at what i was doing and i couldnt do a thing without feeling conscious. they shd just set up a protective screen between the comps, so we can be safe from prying eyes. hehe.
took neoprints. yay~ good good...will treasure them. cos...took them with ppl of special significance to me. ppl who made a difference in my life. hehe. :) spend so much money liao. what abt the rest of the days? *sigh* somehow i cant wait for monday... :D
going to ntuc later to buy salmon and i think sis is cooking it for father's day. heh. i know nothing abt cooking...so well...all i can do is tag along to ntuc and have fun wandering ard. my sis takes such pains to celebrate such occasions. realli nice of her. hmmmz. i just happen to be the total opposite, and dad doesnt like me that way. what can i do...its just me. that's what makes me special. hurhur.
today's friday the 13th. did anyone realise? hmmz...and the computer is virus-stricken. how idiotic. dunno what sis did. probably downloaded some file by accident. argh. unlucky? and we had to be in the rain at its peak. unlucky? thank goodness the comp can still work. or else, i dunno what life will be like without it.
i wonder how word gets ard in our class. its freaky. guess nothing can be realli kept secret. even small details like that ppl also can find out. what on earth...
thought abt what i am going to do in future. still clueless. find it frustrating to go on with life without working towards a goal. all i noe now is that i wanna do well for Os, and get into a good jc. then? what abt the courses? its such a pain in the neck. wonder if there's an ideal job waiting out there for me. i need some advice....oh yah, i thot we had some career course thingy. i need it badly now. im lost in a maze...
den* stepped on your garbage at
12.6.03
am home early today. ms chia's not free today. heh. love my home. :)
thot of finishing revision for the subjects i sacrificed during chinese intensive today. but it looks like things are going to turn out otherwise. havent even done summary. hmmz...and dad's at home. we may be going to town. aiks. an entire week of no-work.
daph: the world is so small.
den: no, its not. its fate that brings the people together.
hmmz. cant remember how come i thot of that. well, now that i ponder over it, im not too sure myself. does fate even exist? i suppose so... if fate wanted things to turn out one way, its kinda hard to change it. leave it be. it has its own advantages no matter what. must be optimistic. yay.
told dad abt going to the airport. no rxn. he was like "so u take the mrt there la?". whoa. he didnt even ask why we chose to go there. my dad's loosening up. heh. yay! will ask permission for skating another dae. heh. i think i should realli try using the 'leave' system...writing a whole list of days i wanna go out and getting my mum to approve or disapprove it. hmmz...good good. i'll try. who noes, this system may just turn out to work realli well! then i can do it for all my hols. planning. a very important module of effective management. heh. i thought of finishing at least half the hw by this weekend. so that i can convince mum into letting me out of the house. i even thought of bribing my sis with cakes. hehehe..so that if mum doesnt allow me, she'll have to go suck up to her and get her to let me go. since she's mum's pet. supposedly...but i decided against that cos my sis isnt someone to be trifled with and i ought to be responsible for my own actions. heh.
i hope my speculations are wrong for once.
den* stepped on your garbage at
11.6.03
there's chinese lessons for the nx three days. cant believe this. but oh well, as much as i dread it, i think it's essential. and it'll come in handy. my oral juz sux. i miss her. and i will miss her nx time too. all of a sudden, i dont know why. she's just special. told myself that i'd make a card for her....but havent got down to doing it. i will.
am so sleepy. but there's summary left undone. wth. i totally forgot abt it. onli in the mrt was i reminded. oh well, and im collecting it? what can i say man. is there a choice of whether we have to do it? no. so...it's either i be the lazybum and not do it or push myself to do it. and forget abt the tv and bed. the compre passage is right in front of me actualli, but i cant bear to start doing it. there's bio prac too. *sigh* forget abt it.
yash. ur dad called my hp just now. freaked me out. hah. cos i was expecting it to be MY dad. heh. he asked if i was with you..as in, "is yashira with you?" .....if u interpret it in another way....haha. oh boy. i shd have said yes. hah. instead, i said, "oh, she's left....". we've broken up. :)
had haagan dazs. at long last. heh. it was filling. strangely so. "what a treat! i feel like one of the children!"...sounds familiar? [from king of the castle...]
wish there wasnt school tmr. i wanna sleep. dreamless ones for once pls...
den* stepped on your garbage at
10.6.03
maid hasnt cooked lunch. she thought i'd be back at 7 only. whoa. kept asking me where i'd be going this evening. probably thought it was some date again. started throwing tantrums at her. and as im typing this, im shouting to her downstairs. ha. cant curb my temper. to make things worse, ive got to go buy film for the camera. yikes. im not fit for such things. i dunno how. nvm. supposed to have chinese today. hmmz...we all didnt go. so...i dunno. orals are important but ive got an icecream date, which is of almost equal priority. heh. why does c1 have to go first for orals. that's so unfair. but heck, just finish it and forget all abt chinese. lessons were quite boring today. talked to terri and gang in front of me during bio. fun fun. i wanna teach kaiwen to rollerblade. heh. i so wanna go inline skating. but its not cheap. listened attentively during chem. heh. starting to love isomerism. then was distracted during phy cos i didnt noe wth he was talking abt. was pretty embrrassing when he started asking us qns and we didnt have a clue to them. *sigh* so many ppl dropping phy i think. that's the result of a difficult midyr paper. whatever for?! the sch's kinda cranky in that sense. ppl dont do well, get disheartened, drop the subject, the end. -pathetic-
there are ppl painting the exterior of my house. how frustrating. cant sit the way i like. wherever i move i see ppl staring thru the glass doors and windows. URGH. thought having my neighbour painting his house was bad enough - dad had to do it for the sake of the new owner. hope they finish the job soon.
im falling asleep into dreamland. lunch's ready. ciao.
den* stepped on your garbage at
find out which origami you are
den* stepped on your garbage at
im supposed to finish the papaya for her in exchange for what my dad said. ARGH. but im willing to do it. heheh
den* stepped on your garbage at
took a bus that went round and round, went into small roads and got me all confused. wasnt sure if the bus was taking the right way home. so...uh....it kept going into unexpected routes but taadaa...still ended up home. heh. learnt a couple of things through this mistake though. hehe...now i noe some roads that i never even knew existed. yay! there's always sth to learn from mistakes. and i shall never take that bus from the interchange again. oh well, there were three choices from the interchange but i chose the longest way home. wth. and now i know it's a loop service bus...never knew that!
surprisingly dad isnt questioning me. hmmz....wonder why. and just when i thought my family wasnt suspicious of my actions anymore, my maid asked me "who did you come home with??" in a teasing voice. wth....what do u mean who i came home with...and even if i did sth wrong, im not obliged to tell her the truth right? heh. alright, latest news. dad didnt question me but complained to my sis abt me. and she refuses to tell me what he said. she's so mean! she's using that to get me to do things for her...onli then will she tell me. wth. so cruel.
have no comments over that girl. she did it again....i nearly wanted to roll my eyes right in her face. but controlled. just quit it man.
dont intend to start doing my hw just yet. hehehe...everybody seems to have started. oh well...c1...shall wait for a week to pass first. afterall lessons are already more than enough work.
this stupid butterfly kept flying near me while i was walking home. whoa. its colours are quite chio la. but it kept flying ard. and wad could i do right? all i could do was 'tsk' it. felt so spastic, trying to communicate with the butterfly. and as if it understands, haha. thk goodness nobody was behind me.
den* stepped on your garbage at
9.6.03
the cherry garcias mystery is solved. as expected, it was my maid's. but she didnt buy them. my neighbour gave them to her. whoa. she's on such good terms with them. hahah. to think they could part with their cherry garcias! migosh. how generous. heh. felt quite bad when i knew they were my maid's. heh. oh well, nx time treat her icecream also lor. but come to think of it, she's always been sharing with us. so...does that realli matter?
think think think. cant help it. imagined all sorts of scenarios. to prepare for the worst maybe. it's getting insane. shouldnt feel this way. should be happy. this feeling sux. it's back, just when i thot it'd be gone forever.
there's sch tmr. somehow it's a relief.
den* stepped on your garbage at
have five mins to blog before my sis takes over. *sigh* curfews...
Os were okay. at least the qn chia spotted came out. woohoo. i must say she's experienced. *nods head* the rest is up to the examiners now..whether they like what i've written - perhaps they should simply take into account the painstaking efforts ive put in for the past few years for chinese and give me an A1. dream on denise.
watched mvp just now. would you follow a person who can make you happy or someone you truly love? this question kept swimming around in my head but i couldnt come to a conclusion. i mean, it's difficult to say. when i watch the show, i feel that the girl should follow the person who can give her happiness, at least she wont be sad anymore ya? then again, her feelings for the other guy is oh-so deep, it's not easy to make a decision. hmmz...if it's in real life, the majority would be at a loss i guess. at least for me.
it's like some kind of tv serial [perhaps ive been watching too much]...we meet at the crossroads, i see you but you dont take notice of me. i hold it there for a second or two, hoping that you'd say something. nothing comes. i look elsewhere and walk away. then i wonder if you saw me the next second. it's a matter of seconds. split seconds even. just like the shows. the memory is so vivid somehow. cruel fate? i dont like to blame something else for what has happened. please stay.
terri, gekling and i were talking abt idols. as in, real idols....boybands, tv stars etc. ya. then i told them that i used to like quite a few idols. then they didnt believe. wth. is that so unbelievable? strange. terri just couldnt accept it. *raises eyebrows* then gekling asked me this..."oh, or is it that kind of idols?"...whoa. connotations sia. then i was like "nono...real idols". why does she like to read so deeply into everything i say?! think she shd take lit..haha..she spots innuendo effortlessly and her observatory and analytical skills are perfect! think she likes to make fun of me and see me blush. hmmpf. sadistic intents?
den* stepped on your garbage at